I survived Thanksgiving!

Thursday was Thanksgiving which means that its the start of the Holiday season and crazy lines in stores, no parking spots available ad endless deals and lots of spending. I had a nice break from Tuesday night until today. Its good to be home and around friends and family, yet I love being at college. Only 2 and a half weeks left of the semester! Holy moly where did this semester and year go? I mean 30 days until New Years Eve and only 23 days until Christmas (Im not counting today or Christmas Day! lol).

As a recovering anorexic, the holidays can be a challenge especially when its a holiday that revolves around food. I arrived at my aunts house at 2pm because that was the time she told everyone to arrive. Well we ended up eating at 5:30! Yikes! Im not one to really snack before a meal but I had maybe 1/4 oz of swiss cheese, 1 gluten free rice thin cracker, organic celery with salsa as well as a taste of my aunts spinach dip (big fear food). My cousin who's my age made Apple Cider Sangria with 2 or 3 different types of white wine, a full bottle of Brandy and Apple Cider. To be honest it was very tasty! I probably had about 3 full solo cups filled. Oooops!

For the main dinner, I had 1/4 of a sweet potato, a 1/2 cup of roasted root vegetables, a spoonful of gluten-free stuffing, some pearl onions, a spoonful of turn ups and 5 oz of organic turkey. I figured as Im recovering, I might as well as some poultry and fish in my diet because I need more protein. I will only eat organic poultry and fish but normally I would just stick with my vegetarian ways and lifestyle. For dessert (pretty shocking) my mom and I shared two small slices of pumpkin pie and a chocolate pudding pie. I mainly just ate the inside of the pumpkin pie and my mom had the rest along with the pudding pie. I did try it, it was just way too rich for me. Overall, I think it was a successful day for me and Im defiantly thankful for my health, getting healthier (I hate and Im scared of saying weight gain), and my family. 

Also! I made my infamous pilgram hat cookies! Everyone goes nuts over them! I ended up only taking 2 home! 

Midway through

I cant believe its November 15th already! That means I only have a month left of school and that includes finals! I have 2 major projects left today, a portfolio review, my internship project, and 4 finals and Im done for the semester! I registered Tuesday for my last semester as an undergrad! Say what! Im taking an accounting class (oh joy!), a computers class which is a gen ed, a banquet class (nutrition class), Organizational food and management class (also nutrition), and fitness for life. Im excited but def kinda nervous about accounting. I was slacking a bit with seeing my therapist and RD but this weekend Im seeing both. One good thing that happened, I have a new roommate, I actually switched out. My old roommate was Mia and only wanted to be with her bf. She felt that I had too many problems. Hey everyone has his or her issues. Anyways, Im much happier now. Im trying to eat every few hours which is tough at times but I just keep telling myself, "I need the energy and brain power for my studies. I need to get healthier."

When life gets going and it all moves too fast

Life can move so fast at times. Im entering my last and final year at college, in a months time, I'll be 22 years old, I have a job, soon I'll be a college graduate looking for a full time job and then comes loans to pay back. With all this comes anxiety and stress. For someone recovering from an eating disorder, how can you control what you can not control? Make a coping box or coping draw. Basically decorate, if you'd like, an old shoe box. Put a few things that can get your mind off "stinking thinking." FOr example, mine has a coloring book, crayons, a Buddha chanting machine, a CD of Teddy Geiger and crochet needles and a guitar pick. In the past Ive had pictures which represented scrapbooking, a book that I was reading and a latch hook needle. What helps to deter you from your issues can help you out in the long run and each persons box or draw is different.

A new direction

Im fairly new to this whole blogging world. As through previous attempts, Ive come to the conclusion that private issues should spoken outside of a journal or diary. As for the purpose of this blog, Im going to be posting how Im getting closer to my ultimate goal of being healthy. Ive struggled with anorexia and compulsive over exercising since I was 14/15. Im almost 22 and almost a college graduate. Im currently majoring in nutrition and hopefully one day I can help those struggling with eating issues to have a healthier relationship with his or her body and with food. My goal is post my everyday struggles to a point and post some of what I eat, healthy recipes and anything else that I find interesting. Currently, I've been working in  deli which has caused me to really interact with customers. I've discovered who I really am: sweet, smart, outgoing, friendly, talkative, and happy.  In my eating disorder, I was shy, quiet and afraid. Even though I have my issues and  dont eat meat, I dont mind working in a deli, Im not afraid of what I smell or touch.

Been a while

A lot has happened in the past two months. I turned 21 which makes me legal to buy alcohol, and gamble. For my 21s birthday, I took 3 shots and called it a night, such a light weight! Then I went to Revel in AC with my parents and boyfriend, had a great time and even walked away with 12 dollars!

School has been so stressful! Acting, speech, bio and nutrition arent that bad but accounting is killer! I need it for my major but this one project I have has caused countless nights of no sleep, unintentional weight loss, hair loss, stress, you get the point. Its terrible! I mean Im averaging a B-/B but its not acceptable in my book especially since I live in the tutoring/ extra help center four days a week sometimes for a few hours at a time, I should be getting at least an A but its really nothing to stress about. Im doing all I can really!

As you may be aware, the east coast was hit really badly by Hurricane Sandy. I live in Jersey and the beloved Jersey Shore took a beating. Part of my state are still without power, some even without home. My parents and brother were without electricity for FIVE DAYS! My boyfriend still doesnt have power so his family has a generator going but they still havent been able to have a home cooked meal. With that came a lot of money wasted due to food having to be thrown out, as well as those with generators had to wait on long lines for gas and some were even turned away due to gas stations running out of gas. The thing was many stations ran out of gas or they simply didnt have electricity so they remained closed. Gov. Christie issued a gas rationing which seemed to have NJ in a 1973 mind state. Odd-evening rations were something I had only read about in my history class and now Im living through it. Im lucky to say that I dorm on campus so the need for a car is minimal and thus I dont have to worry about filling up my tank, my car is safely home. I also had heat, running hot water and electricity while millions of East Coasters were without all these basic necessities.  Many times I feel that I have it worse than so many people but in the aftermath of Sandy, Im grateful for all that I have and that I still have a house that I can call home. Many people especially those who live down the shore or in Staten Island arent so lucky. My heart breaks for those who have lost it all. Sometimes God gives us all we can handle and other times more so. In situations like this, I wish I could do more than just a clothing donation or a donation of a dollar but its knowing in my heart that I could at least give back some how to someone who's in need.

On a side note, I made an appointment with my Doctor and went back to see my RD. I had blood work done about 2-3 weeks ago and my RD made up a meal plan. For my height, Im underweight as a result of a restrictive anorexic/over exercising relapse. College stress and the constant thoughts in my mind arent helping me to recover. I feel like I might take a few steps one day then something stresses me out, usually school or my roommate hanging out with my old roommate constantly, and then I take 20 steps back, over exercise and restrict. Im determined to recover. Ana seems to have crept back into my life again since she showed her ulgy face 6 years ago and as much as I dont want to part from her, I want a healthy life. I want to excel in my studies, get a college degree and get a job, get married and have a child, Ive always said adopting one because I never know the damage Ive done by not eating and not having my cycle for months on end. This time I truly am ready to recover, in the past I had to due to my parents intervention and me basically being forced to get treatment.

"I'm not telling you it will be easy, I am telling you it is worth it."

If its raining on campus, it must be a Tuesday!

If its raining on campus, chances are its going to either be a Tuesday or Wednesday. Why would I even mention this? Well the past two years that Ive attended college where I am now, Tuesdays and Wednesdays tend to be the rainiest. Its quite comical and funny to the outsiders who don't attend college at my university but its a tried and true fact. This morning, I woke up at my usual time of 6:45 to head over to the dining hall since it is a bit of a trek. How my room is positioned, the windows in my room over look the soon to be new dining hall but as of right now, its still under construction. So I ended up being weather challenged this morning and walked outside into a rain and wind storm. Luckily I was wearing  hooded jacket, so I didn't get too wet. The way back to my dorm wasn't too different, it was still raining. When I headed over to the gym, I had an umbrella. By lunch time, I was prepared, I had my hooded jacket, umbrella and rain boots. I have a bit of down time until dinner and then its straight to class from 5:30-8pm. In the mean time, I've gotten all my homework and studying out of the way, that way come Thursday when I go home, I only have to worry about Biology and the exam on Monday.

Breakfast: 1 med banana and 1 cup of reduced fat cottage cheese with sriracha sauce.



Lunch: 1 cup of minestrone soup, with 1 cup carrots, and 1/4 cup cucumbers.

Have a great day! If its raining where you are, stay dry!

Busy busy busy

The best way that I can describe the past two weeks have been busy, busy and busy. The fall semester is still getting under way and Im still adjusting to dorm life once again. I love being home, sleeping in my own bed, eating home cooked meals, drinking great coffee and not having to share a room with anyone. Recently, I started dating a guy so obviously, there's the feelings of missing him. I do get to see him every Saturday and since Thursday is the big 2-1 for me, he's picking me up and I'll be home for four days. Also, the dorm Im currently living in, is still under construction. They are building a Dunkin, a sub shop and a quickie mart type store. Need less to say, the construction has been nonstop through the early mornings and even into 1am in the morning!

Ive also had my first full week of classes. Accounting which is required for my major is going to be the most challenging course of the semester. Its a lot of reading and the professor is kind of boring and needless to say, its a 7am class Monday and Thursday! Thank goodness for Venti coffee! Bio is one of my favorite classes, and I like the professor, theater and speech are both fun classes and both professors don't believe in grades so thats always a plus and my nutrition class so far isn't too shabby. We have a few quizzes throughout the semester and the big project is to take a recipe and deconstruct it, then recreate it in a new and unique way! Talk about a fun yet challenging course!

Since the gym is directly next to my building, Ive had no excuse not to work out and that's just what I have been doing! Everyday, I make sure I get my run or spin workout in plus I lift weights 3 times a week. I use to workout solely to lose weight but not anymore. I workout to relieve stress, stay tone and build up my muscle tone and arms.

The food on campus is typical for a college campus. It has its good and bad points but I mainly stick with fruit, vegetables, egg/egg whites, the soups aren't too bad, beans and cottage cheese. On the days where I have to wake up for accounting or on the weekend, I'll have a piece of fruit, a fiber one bar or a cup of cereal with almond milk. My goal still is to increase my calories a bit so Im not weak and tired all the time. I know being a nutrition major, how to eat healthy but struggling for years with certain issues has caused me once again to restrict my calories a bit too much. Im at a weight where Im comfortable but I know with the amount Ive been eating and how often I exercise, chances are, my weight is slowly decreasing again. Im trying to avoid that, so to get out of this rut, Ive been added 100 or so calories until Im at a healthier intake of calories. I can't just fill up on veggies and egg
whites all the time.

Have a great week!